I love the passing of time

http://swingingparty.blogsome.com/

Just gonna copy/paste the stuff from the most recent old blog

Moving this over here from old blog. I think it was entitled ‘Stupidly Happy’.

Way long lots of stuff to say…

For the past week, I’ve had all kinds of really negative flashback emotions resurfacing due to yucky stuff going on on message boards. Stupid, right? I know Knowing it’s stupid doesn’t really stop it from happening, though.

So, I’ve been staying away. Just trying to get back to feeling in control (although, the ’staying away’ itself caused all kinds of emotional turmoil, too).

Anyway, 2 nights ago, I got a phone call from my friend in Ireland. She had had a baby on 7/31 & I felt awful that I had totally forgotten that she was expecting. Hadn’t talked to her much in the past few months, obviously. Just got caught up in everything that touches me every day, let the non-urgent things slide. Great thing about Amy, though, is that I totally think she understands that, herself. I still feel like, if she & I could get 3 hours to ourselves, we’d be caught up & laughing like the old days within minutes. I’d love to have a night out with her again some time.

Then, there was the post on a message board about accepting your SO’s past (specifically the mistakes made that led to our being stepparents, now). I really have never had a problem with any of that. :shrug: I made lots of stupid mistakes when I was younger, too - Only difference is that mine didn’t create any life-long responsibilities (although, I’m sure, they’ve made big changes in who I am).

So, last night, Jim & I were *relaxing* after the kids were asleep. We had some naughty grown-up time. Then, were sitting around listening to music - somehow we got onto listening to an early REM album. It brought back a flood of really good, goofy memories for me, of my wilder years. Years when I felt confident in my sexuality. Although, I made a fool of myself again & again. But, because I was surrounded by other people who were truly interested in me (sexually & as a friend), it made it all so easy to roll with the changes. It’s just so much easier to laugh at it all, now.

I was ‘dating’ this guy, very casually. He & his friends would come down to Letterkenny from Strabane on the weekends. I worked in the bar where they always started out the weekend. We’d flirt, play, have fun. After the bars closed up, we’d all head out to a dance club. Sometimes I’d go with them, sometimes not, sometimes I’d go with someone else. Sometimes, Paddy & I would decide to just go up to my place & watch a movie or something. Sometimes we wouldn’t even see each other until late into the night, when the dance clubs were getting ready to close up -and- if neither of us had hooked up with anyone else that night, we’d go home together. It was very, very casual.

One night, I was at a club with another group of friends & saw Paddy sitting with this one girl who also worked, very occasionally, at the bar. It was her birthday & they were all celebrating together. I mentioned it to one of my friends, a kind of ‘Hey, wonder why she wants him hanging around on her birthday - I’d never seen them together before’ thing. My friend said that they’d been dating for over a year! I had no idea. Really. I never really talked to Delores (was that her name), not about boyfriends or anything. And, apparently, Paddy made a point of making sure he wasn’t in the bar when we were both there, too. And, no one ever said anything to me about it. So, I just didn’t know. I’m laughing about it now. I pretty much did then, too. I think that I even still went out with him a couple times after that, after he officially broke it off with her.

I was and still am so naive. I remember this one time when he came into town with a cast on his arm. He played it really good. Had an elaborate story about how he broke it. Played it up with me & everyone all weekend. Saturday night, he came back home with me I was pretty drunk, so it wasn’t until halfway through the fun that I realized he didn’t have his cast on anymore. It was a fake one that he got at the joke shop where he worked. D’oh!

Another guy played me the same, too. Let me flirt with him mercilessly, but never let me make any real moves on him. I always thought it was because his friend was ‘into’ me & he didn’t want to get in the way of that. One night, at a club, I was sitting with him & John, laughing, drinking, smoking. John told Desi that his girlfriend just walked in. I was all like ‘Desi! You have a girlfriend?’ He went over to her & talked for a while. Then, came back & was sitting with us again. I made him take me over & introduce me to her. She seemed really cold towards me. :rotfl: Of course she did! Holy shit! Apparently, they’d been dating for years. I wonder how many other women in that town hated me for my naivete & my american novelty that made the guys want to sit there & flirt with me.

Anyway - these & many more memories came pouring out to Jim last night. I was laughing at it all. Jim seemed happily bemused, too. Said I should get out all my pics from then, some time & tell him all about it. (Although, he seems a little sad, today & I hope it’s not because of that. But, the good thing about the feeling sad is that he told me about it & was actively trying to find a place to order some Celexa on-line when I woke up this morning) And, I was sitting there thinking, ‘Wow, this isn’t all stuff that I read in a book - it’s stuff that actually happened to me - me, the PTO mom that I am now. Damn, life sure has been fun! I can’t wait to see what happens in the next 50 years or so!’ I hope Jim’s with me for the rest of it. I sure am happy that he’s here, living this life with me now.

For some reason, these lyrics are sitting in my head right now:

I remember that time you told me, you said,
“Love is touching souls”
Surely you touched mine
‘Cause part of you pours out of me
In these lines from time to time

(Joni Mitchell, of course)
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And, another…

Songs & Lyrics that I just looked at

I realized that I had to move this blog, because I didn’t want my stepdaughter to google our ‘usual’ screenname & find this stuff. Not that I wouldn’t tell her any of this, in a more age-appropriate manner, if she asked me about it…

Anyway - I had to come up with a new username for the blog, so I went bouncing around looking at different lyrics that I liked, trying to find something. This one (swingingparty) works, anyway. Not exactly what I was looking for, but it does the job.

If bein’ wrong’s a crime, I’m serving forever
If bein’ strong’s your kind, then I need help here with this feather
If bein’ afraid is a crime, we hang side by side
At the swingin’ party down the line
At the swingin’ party down the line

Also thought about something from these Rod Stewart lyrics, but there’s not really a username there:

I firmly believe that I didn’t need anyone but me
I sincerely thought I was so complete
Look how wrong you can be

Have this XTC one up, too… ‘Frivolous Tonight’ might have made a good blogname

Let us talk about some trivial things we like
A bit of this and that
Let’s chew the fat

Pour ourselves a glass of stout
And let our Rael Brook shirts hang out
Nothing makes us more content
To let us wallow in a bit of nonsense

We’re all so frivolous tonight, tonight

Let’s reveal our childlike nature
And leave our stocks and invoices to rot
Let’s go to pot

Tell our jokes about mothers in law
But watch him jump when she comes through the door
O the party goes with a swing
When we talk about the trivial things

We’re all so frivolous tonight

But there’s always one
Who wants to talk shop
We’ll drive him through the door
With a broom or a mop

Let us tell our favourite story
About some poor chap who put it on display
Hip hooray
And let the girls gather in their slacks
To talk about husbands hairy backs

Some might think we’re a bit of a shower
But this could be our finest hour

We’re all so frivolous tonight, tonight
We’re all so ridiculous tonight

And, there were a couple of Joni Mitchell ones… ‘Woman of Heart and Mind’ would have been a good name, but the lyrics don’t really work for me anymore. And, there was ‘Just Like this Train’ or ‘Strong Cat Without Claws’, but I decided against those, too (even though I am dreaming of the pleasure I’m gonna have, watching your hairline recede…)

I’m always running behind the time
Just like this train
Shaking into town
With the brakes complaining

I used to count lovers like railroad cars
I counted them on my side
Lately I don’t count on nothing
I just let things slide

The station master’s shuffling cards
Boxcars are banging in the yards
Jealous Iovin’Il make you crazy
If you can’t find your goodness
‘Cause you lost your heart

I went looking for a cause
Or a strong cat without claws
Or any reason to resume
And I found this empty seat
In this crowded waiting room
(Everybody waiting)
Old man sleeping on his bags
Women with that teased up kind of hair
Kids with the jitters in their legs
And those wide, wide open stares
And the kids got cokes and chocolate bars
There’s a thin man smoking a fat cigar
Jealous lovin’lI make you crazy
If you can’t find your goodness
‘Cause you’ve lost your heart

What are you going to do now
You’ve got no one
To give your love too…

Well I’ve got this berth and this roll down blind
I’ve got this fold up sink
And these rocks and these cactus going by
And a bottle of German wine to drink
Settle down into the clickety cIack
With the clouds and the stars to read
Dreaming of the pleasure I’m going to have
Watching your hairline recede
(My vain darling)
Watching your hair and clouds and stars
I’m rocking away in a sleeping car
This jealous lovin’s bound to make me
Crazy
I can’t find my goodness
I lost my heart
Oh sour grapes
Because I lost my heart