I love the passing of time

I know that I could not possibly be any happier than I am now. And, I know I was happy as a child, too - it’s just that, sometimes, I felt powerless and was unaware of the joy & love that surrounded me. I also, sometimes, was naive enough to believe the lies that the mean people wanted me to believe - that they were better than me. They weren’t. Their lives were not better. They were not better people. I was not inferior to them. I was, actually, happier than them. And, the only way they could make themselves feel better was to make me unhappy, too. This did not make their lives any better. This did not make them better people. It just made them feel like they were in control of something. Sure, I was more naive than them. Innocent & easy to trick, but, inside, I had a calm loving happy soul.

The pathways that were created in my mind, then - the reactions - the lessons that my subconcious learned, are actively a part of me now, even if my concious mind knows better.

I know, now, that I am exactly where I want to be in my life and with the person who I want to be with forever. We don’t fight. We do encourage, respect & love each other. I couldn’t imagine living with someone who I did not respect and love, and who did not feel the same about me, all of the time. And, I know that some people are actually living lives where this kind of respect and love is not so easy to come by.

I know how lucky I am. I know that there are people - real people - who value me as I am. And that I get to spend every day with them, and will get to be with them for the rest of my life. I also know that the people in my life are absolutely amazing, wonderful human beings and I am proud to know them all.

I also know that the very negative, very real *feelings* that I am having in my current life (along with the physiological reactions that the feelings elicit in me), when I am around certain people or when I am in certain situations, are all evoked by things that happened in my past. But, I also know that things that happened in my past are not necessarily happening now or are going to happen again. Although, I do know that I have never learned how to determine who I should trust & who I shouldn’t, so when the seed of distrust is planted, it’s hard for me to trust myself to know what to believe. I also know that it’s not all that important, either. None of these situations that are making me feel panicked & small & paranoid & distrustful are IRL. My foundation - my love, my family, my kids, my real life, are all just as wonderful as ever and getting better all the time.

So, anyway… I know that, in the long run, this is one of the best lives I’ve ever had