I love the passing of time

Every time I write about something like this, I think: I should really get a life. I shouldn’t be thinking about message boards so much, that I feel I need to have ideas about them that I feel I need to ‘work out’ or write out. But, I do. Over the years I’ve got so much from them. And, I’ve had so much fun with them. But, it’s just so ‘virtual’, so unreal sometimes, so much like a text-based computer game…

There’s this one message board that I go to that prides itself on it’s ‘no blowing sunshine up people’s asses’ attitude. I haven’t been there in almost a month, now, though. Weeks ago, someone from that board saw that I had blogged about some issues that I was having with some of the replies on that board. She said, quite rightly, that if I had issues there, I should talk about them there, because everyone there ‘can take it’. I guess that I was afraid (?) to post there, or didn’t want to post an opposing opinion there, because I just don’t feel like arguing my point or trying to justify my feelings. And, as that person had me thinking, if that’s what they are & if I don’t feel like I fit in there, then, why go there? And, why blog about it?

If I enjoyed arguing, I might have said that I blog about it because it’s my blog & that’s where I write what I’m feeling. If you don’t like it, don’t read it. But, I can understand the ‘why go there’ part, I guess. So, I just kind of stopped going there. Problem is, there are so many people there that I have come to care about. :sigh:

Now, on a completely different message board thing, but I think they kind of fit together in the end… I think that I’m starting to see something that is a real problem with the way some posters approach some support sites. Especially support sites that deal with day-to-day real life issues that can be approached in a variety of different ways. What I’m seeing is a lack of real empathy & real active listening.

Some people on support sites are really great at this. I don’t know if I was ever or am really good at it myself.

But, what I think I’m seeing is two different kind of replies and, really, not too much difference in their fitting into a real ’support’ system.

The first reply is the ‘You’re right, honey!’ kind of sunshine blowing that lets someone post about how they hate their stepkid just because they exist & that existing makes the OP feel bad. I’ve seen quite a few message boards, lately, that :soapbox: about how unsupportive this kind of reply is. In this kind of post/reply exchange, the original poster might as well just be blogging what they have to say. There is no growth, no resolution, no change for them.

The other reply that I think is just as unsupportive, is the ‘You’re wrong!’ kind of automatic ‘this is my opinion and no matter how you feel, I’m not even going to try to understand why you’re doing what you’re doing’ reply that, really, takes just as much concern and empathy as the first. In this kind of post/reply, the replier might as well just be blogging what they have to say. There is no reaching outside of their own beliefs to try to really understand the OP enough to give advice that might actually resonate with the OP.

In both, there is no real exchange, no growth, no sharing. No active listening to the OP or repliers. No consideration on the part of the ‘listeners’ or the OP that the OP or the repliers might have something to teach them, too. Just people saying what they’re going to say & people replying & no listening.

At least, that’s what I’m thinking about & feeling right now.

Of course, there are good, empathetic listeners on every board that I’ve ever been on (and in real life, too). There are some awesome support boards out there. And, some awesome friendships have come of them. There are boards that are just plain fun, whether there’s support going on or not. But, I dunno, I guess I’m just feeling & thinking about the hypocrisy of the ’sunshine blowing’ and the ‘no sunshine blowing’ more today than usual. Probably because I’m missing some of my friends & some of the fun we used to have, all because I’m not able to get over my own issues enough to either try to effect change or to ignore the things that I think need changing.