It seems like so much more than a year
And like it was just yesterday. We’re all meeting for a memorial service at the accident site this evening.
On the door, at the foot of the stairs, going up to Allison’s room, is a sign that says ‘Allison’s Room’. It’s written on plain white printer paper, with a few different colors of marker making a kind of rainbow effect for the letters. In the lower right-hand corner, in smaller letters, it says ‘Amanda Elkins’.
Sometime in the first summer when Jim & I married, back when Amanda used to come stay with Allison, while I was at work & Jim was napping. It probably took Amanda about 5 minutes to make it. I imagine that, when Amanda made it for her, Allison thought it was really cool. It’s been hanging up there ever since.
It’s been there through Allison’s first years getting used to it all. It’s been there through Brandy sharing the room and then leaving. It’s been there through Shelby & Annie’s births. And, it’s still there now.
It’s not much. I’m sure she didn’t even think about it much after she made it. And, most of the time, I don’t even notice it. Sometimes, I can’t even see it for months at a time, if there is something hanging on the hook above it.
And, it’s not that we’re leaving it there as a memorial to Amanda. It’s just there, a little piece of Amanda that’s become part of our daily lives. It’s part of the canvas that makes up our memories and the memories that will come in the future.
And, to me, it’s symbolic of everything that she did through her life. Every way she touched us. Every word she said that will come up, from time to time, as a memory to make us laugh or cry. She is a part of who we are, now.
It’s a reminder that she was here. And, it’s a concrete object that reminds me that she is still here. Her physical presence is gone. But, everything she ever did is still here. Nothing can take that away from us. Ever.
Even if we take that room sign down, the memories of it’s being there can never be erased.
