She’s always here, now
Before I go to bed, I usually do a little mental inventory of the house. Are the doors locked? Fish fed? Maggie in her crate? Has Charlie gone out? Bird covered?
Then, I check the kids.
Usually, at that point, I think about how I’m alone in the house with just me & the kids. And, I always ask myself if Allison is there, that night.
Used to be, most nights, I’d have a little sad moment, where I’d remember that she wasn’t there.
Summers, I’d have little happy moments, thinking how she was there, but they would be tinged with a melancholy reminder of how many more days were left.
Now, every night when I hit that part of the evening, I have a happy moment where I remember she’s here and she’s here all of the time.
(followed by just the tiniest sad moment thinking how fragmented & disjointed the whole situation is that brought her here)
But, it’s nice all the same. It feels whole and right.
