Bad Mommy Moment
Last night, I got dinner started late, so we finished late & I was rushing to get everything picked up, everyone cleaned & dressed, to get Annie to her Kid Rock class on time.
Looking back on it now, I see many things that I could have done differently to avoid all of this and everything that happened next, but I guess I’ll just have to use this as a learning experience for the future. I could have had Allison help me with the kids. I could have stopped looking at my freaking message boards & got dinner in earlier, started picking up earlier. I could have just relaxed & realized that it didn’t really matter if she was a few minutes late for her running around with objects class.
Anyway, sometime during dinner, Shelby had asked me for some juice. I said “In a minute”, then forgot about it. After dinner, after I asked him to wash his hands & go potty, he came into the kitchen & said that I had forgotten to get him some juice & would I get it now. I said “Sorry about that, but we’re late and…” He interrupted with a big tantrum cry, the kind I hadn’t heard from him in ages - sounded like he was mortally wounded.
Once I got his attention, I said “I was going to say - Go wash your hands & go potty, I’ll get it while you’re there” I really was going to say that & was feeling pretty shocked at his outburst, and feeling like he was accusing me of a great crime that I hadn’t committed (what’s the word for that?).
He went in the bathroom & I poured his juice. I put the juice in the living room on my way to the bathroom to get a brush for Annie’s hair. Shelby was still in there & I was still feeling mad at him for that outburst. I felt that he should apologize to me for that. Everyone makes mistakes & forgets things sometimes -and- getting him juice was a favor to him, not an obligation.
I said the wrong words, though. I said that he acted like a baby when he cried out like that. We don’t use name-calling in our house. That is considered to be as inappropriate a method of communication and problem solving as hitting is. Even when I was saying it, I realized that it was wrong.
His eyes filled with tears. He balled up his fists. Then, he swung his tiny fist at my thigh, hitting me.
I thought he was still mad about the juice, though. I asked him if he would like it if I hit him when I felt angry. I told him to go sit on the couch and not move.
He did. I brushed Annie’s hair & checked her clothes.
I went past him, into the kitchen, but was lecturing about hitting on the way.
When I was in the kitchen, he said “You were mean to me”. I said “That’s not an excuse for hitting, and, anyway, how was I mean to you?”. He said “You said a mean word, you said I was a baby”.
I stopped.
I realized that he was right.
I went to him and apologized for that. I was still angry about the juice tantrum & told him that I was still angry about that, but that he was right, I should not have said that. That was not a good way to communicate how I was feeling. I told him that hitting was still not a good way to communicate with me how he felt about that, either.
I asked him for a hug. He let me have one.
We both nursed our grudges for a bit, but were happy again by the time we got to Kid Rock.
I’m still sorry that I did that, though.
Hope I do better next time.
