I love the passing of time

Brandy came over on Friday evening. I was just finishing up sewing the binding on a blanket. Apparently the phone rang (sewing machine was too loud for me to hear it) & Allison brought it to me. It was Brandy (niece who lived with Jim & I for 6th, 7th & 8th grades). Her father swooped back into town at the end of 8th grade, hooked back up with an old girlfriend & decided he was ready to be a dad.

Anyway, anyone who knows about our ordeal with that child will appreciate how agitated I felt when I realized who it was on the phone. I am an extremely optimistic & positive person, especially when it comes to people’s potential - especially children’s potential. But, by the time that Brandy left our house, I was happy to see her go. She had me beaten down. She sucked the very life out of us, sapping energy that we could have used for the other kids. Jim & I survived it together, but we, as a family, definitely felt the impact of her presence. And, I still feel like a failure when I think about how we never broke through to her, to the real her - never got her to find the joy in living an honest, responsible life.

I, personally, hadn’t heard from her in over a year, when I took the phone from Allison on Friday. I knew that she had moved out of her father’s house & was living on her own (she’s only 17, and, according to what she told me later on Friday, is starting her sophomore year, again, next year).

She asked if I was busy. Said she needed someone to talk to. Said she couldn’t talk about it on the phone. I told her that we had planned on going to the library, but that she could come over if she needed to & she said that she would.

Next 15 minutes, I felt like throwing up. Worrying about what it would be. Would she want to move back in? Was she pregnant? Did she need money?

By the time she showed up, she had calmed down about whatever it was. I think it had something to do with an argument she had with her boyfriend’s sister. They had driven up from where they live & were staying with the sister for the night. The boyfriend, apparently, had a court date, but Brandy didn’t know what it was for. Sigh…

Not going to go into the whole conversation, but, from time to time, she’d look all sad & say “I really miss you guys”. Then, look at me.

What are you supposed to say in a situation like that, where you *don’t* (God, if you exist, please forgive me) miss the person who’s saying that right to your face? “That’s weird, I don’t miss you a little bit, in fact I can’t think of one time in the past 3 years where I’ve thought… Gee, I wish Brandy was here, although there have been a few where I’ve thought, Gee, things are so much more peaceful & happy without Brandy here”.

So, I’d say… “We miss you sometimes, too”.

Poor kid. I hope she realizes, some time, what her life is all about. That there’s no magic formula, no ‘trick’ to happiness. You don’t have to manipulate anyone, you don’t have to get lucky, you don’t have to hurt anyone or fool anyone or live in a tangle of lies. You just have to decide the kind of person that you want to be, then be it, without hurting anyone else or taking anything that doesn’t belong to you or pretending to be anything that you aren’t right now.

May she find peace & happiness in an honest life filled with love some day.

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Watched Adaptation again tonight. Just wanted to reiterate the quote that I love so much from that movie. It’s not just the quote, though, it’s the whole scene surrounding it - the story that leads up to it. I can’t find it on-line, though, so here’s the quote:

You are what you love, not what loves you.