How cool is that?!
Allison wanted to make sure that Jim & I saw this one. She knew we’d appreciate it. I’m glad that she appreciates it. I’m glad that she knows we would, too. I think that, when it’s her turn to decide what ‘grown-up’ means, it’s going to be lots of fun!
Today, school rocks, compatible people were found & befriended and that certain someone on the internet is sharing secret jokes with her (which she shared with me, too :-p )
Just keep being happy and kind and curious, kiddo - just keep laughing at the weirdness that is life!
1) Allison isn’t sure if she’s going to do speech team. Says they have meets every Saturday in Nov, Dec & Jan - from 6:30am until sometime in the evening. She’s not sure if she really wants to do that. But, according to her blog & her general attitude, she’s loving Choir & tolerating school just fine, anyway.
2) Two nights ago, I asked David if he had an alarm clock or something, so he could wake himself up in the morning. He said he’d set his cellphone alarm. Yesterday morning, I heard cellphone beep for a bit at 5:30a then stop. I dozed off, then woke about 15 minutes later & he was still asleep in bed. I woke him up.
Last night, I guess he set alarm again. I didn’t hear it go off this morning, but heard him up at 5:15am. I woke at 5:45a & went out to make sure he was actually awake. He was fully clothed, sleeping sitting up, in the dark, on the couch. I turned on lights in the living room & woke him up again.
I just wish that I didn’t have to do that - be responsible for him waking up & getting to work. I would rather sleep in until *I* have to wake up at 6:30a. If he oversleeps, though, he’s going to want Jim to drive him into work & I don’t want Jim to have to do that. I want him to be able to go to sleep for a while, until Annie wakes up.
3) A few days ago, I asked David to use the outlet in the kitchen to charge his phone, instead of the one that’s near the floor in the kids room. They’re are properly frightened of electricity, so I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t mess with it (99.999% sure), and there are things already plugged in there, anyway (nightlight & CD player). I really don’t think they’d play with it. But, they might. David unplugs the CD player & plugs his phone in. That day, he had left the CD player unplugged, after unplugging his charger, leaving an open, exposed outlet at child level.
Yesterday, he was using it again. Again, I asked him not to do it, explaining my worries about the kids playing with electricity. And, anyway, he’s a freaking guest in the house, I’ve already asked him not to do it, he should simply respect my wishes (I didn’t say this part to him).
This morning, when I woke up (for the 2nd time, after he’d already left) & went into the kids room, his cellphone charger was sitting there, plugged in (although he took the phone with him) instead of the CD player.
AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!
I’m sure I’m being too uptight about it the electricity thing. But, WTF???
4) I don’t want Jim to think that I think we should not have taken David in, or that he should take any responsibility for *my* feelings about the decision that *we* made to help a member of *our* family. We do 100 times more for members of my side of the family every day, every week. I don’t begrudge any of this, but I do need to vent when it’s annoying to me. I’m thinking that, maybe, I’ll start thinking of David as more of a child, who needs to be taught how to be a good guest in someone’s home. It’s kind of weird doing that, though, when you are the ‘host’ - teaching him how he should be treating me, our home, our family. But, it’s probably the more productive & kind thing to do.
I’m sure I’m volunteering for tons of spam, but I have no work to do today (and am avoiding doing a couple of personal things that I could be doing, otherwise (Note to Shelby’s teacher re: his learning style (she req’d this from all parents) -and- Newsy letter to Jim’s Aunt))… But, I signed up at http://www.sweepstakestoday.com & am signing up for dozens of sweepstakes.
I hope I win!!!
Is there one in your town? Check here: http://www.septemberconcert.org
Are you going?
If there’s not one, do you think you could help to get the ball rolling in your town? Maybe write a letter to the local paper, or contact city hall?
There actually is one in our town - one of two in Illinois, according to the website. It’s also ‘Curriculum Night’ at Shelby’s school, though, so I don’t know if we’ll be able to go 
(Allison gave me this one, a week or so ago)
“Oh yeah? Well, your mom blogs about you!”
:-p
I should really have fun with them, like this, all of the time 
Lots of little things that don’t really go together, so I’ll just list them one at a time
1) Allison’s been moody lately. Sometimes completely down. Sometimes angry/snarly. Sometimes wonderfully happy, either just naturally comfortable (or appearing so) -or- making a concious effort to do so, to connect with us all, with the kids. Over my days off, I decided to try to learn how to french braid Annie’s hair. I did it a few times on Anna, but, even when I did it right, she just looks cuter with two simple pigtails right now. I was talking to Allison about that & she said ‘Well, you could do her like that & practice french braids on me’ (or something like that). I’ve done 2 in her hair, so far. I still have to figure out how to get hers to look right on the top. I’m thinking it would do better with two braids - one on each side, going back. Her hair is so much easier to braid, too - it holds better. I forgot how much I liked doing her hair (she hasn’t wanted me to in years). I’m thinking she misses it, too (either misses doing it with me, or with her mom).
2) I was clipping Annie’s nails last night. They were pretty long. I said “I should leave them a little long & you should have Allison paint them tomorrow”. Al (who was sitting by us) said something about having only 2 colors & one of them was old & drying up anyway. Said that there were some in the closet. Somehow the conversation got around to wondering when anyone would find time to paint Annie’s nails. I said “You should have daddy do it on Tuesday”. Annie thought that was a crazy idea, “No, you’re joking”. Allison said, “He used to do mine. He probably won’t admit it, but he’s good at it”.
3) Apparently, BIL is here to stay, or at least without any kind of plan for when he’s going. When he first called, he asked if he could stay with us for ‘a few days’ while Uncle Bob cleaned out a room in his house for him. Uncle Bob was over last night (brought yummy cake!) & I tried to find out what was going on, without sounding pushy about it. Said, “So, David & Lori decided to take you up on the offer to stay with you in your house?” He said that he wished they’d planned this better & that he couldn’t have anyone there now, that there was too much work to do to get the place ready for him/them. Still no definite date, but sounded like he wasn’t anywhere near ready for guests. Said something to me like, “Hey, just want to ask you to take it easy on David. He means well.”, or something like that. Not that he thought that I was being mean to David, just that he could tell that I had just realized that David had lied about his needs for living arrangements…
So, I guess we have to do something more permanent than the bed/couch juggling, along with keeping his pile of stuff in our tiny living room, that we’re doing now. Jim was working on clearing off the couch/cleaning the floor/making space in the basement today (even though he’s sick -and- sleepy). I’m going to do more tonight. We’re short on cash, but I’ll run to Walgreens on the way home from work to pick up some pine-sol & bleach (to clean some of the yuckier stuff). And, if he can’t figure out how to use his phone as an alarm clock, I’m going to ask him to go out & buy a clock to use. As it is now, he has to be up at 5:30am to catch the 6:22a train to work (part time high school cafeteria). I don’t have to be up until 6:30a to get to work/get kids to school. But, I’ve been getting up at 5:30a to get him up, then coming back in 10 minutes to wake him again, then again, until he’s up.
One other whiny annoying thing (and I really do know that this is for family, so even though I’m complaining, I would never think of refusing to do it or even begrudging it - you do this kind of thing for family - no matter what). But, on Jim’s nights off, after the kids are asleep, we relax & have our ‘date nights’. With David around, we have to confine ourselves to our bedroom, instead of listening to music on the internet, etc. If he’s in the basement, at least we’ll have a little more freedom.
4) We’re looking into doing ‘Moon Jump’ delivery & setup on weekends, in order to earn some extra cash. Sounds like fun to me. Only, lots of driving with the kids in the car -and- right now, our Sat mornings in Sept & Oct are taken up with lots of soccer, so Jim would have to do most of the setups on Sat morning himself. (I could help with pickup & all day Sunday). Eats into our family time, but it’s something we can all do together, too (and I think the kids would enjoy doing it).
5) Also looking into working part-time at local farm/festival/hayride/farmers market kind of place, during their ‘fall festival’, working part-time doing reception at my sister’s massage therapy office, working part-time during christmas season & doing babysitting at our house… We’re trying to come up with ways to make enough money to support our current lifestyle. We’re just a c0uple hundred dollars outside of our comfort zone right now (accumulating debt, again sigh… )
6) On that note - we’re listing more books for sale on half.com (and sold 4 this week!), and trying to find more stuff to list on e-bay. For example, when we were in our 20’s (before we knew each other), Jim & I both bought an ‘Opus’ phone (looks like Opus the Penguin from Bloom County comic strip). How cool that we both wanted the same unusual thing back then??? Anyway, Jim found one of them in the basement today, and, when I get home tonight (before I go to sleep sometime, anyway), I’m going to get it up on E-Bay.
Gender equality leads to better sex lives among people 40 and over
Older couples who live in Western countries and who enjoy more equality between men and women are most likely to report being satisfied with their sex lives, according to a new study on sexual well-being, aging and health that was conducted in 29 countries by a University of Chicago research team.
In contrast, older people reported less satisfaction with the physical and emotional quality of their sex lives in countries where men have a dominant status over women, such as nations in East Asia, and to a lesser extent, the Middle East, according to the results of the Global Study of Sexual Attitudes and Behaviors.
The study involved surveying about 27,500 people between the ages of 40 and 80, including equal numbers of men and women. The study is the first of its kind to document and compare sexual behavior and related satisfaction among middle-aged and older people worldwide. Across most of the countries surveyed, substantial majorities of people with partners remain sexually active throughout the second half of their lives.
The study found that people reported the greatest sexual satisfaction in five countries, led by Austria, and followed by Spain, Canada, Belgium and the United States. At the low end of satisfaction were Japan and Taiwan. Countries such as Turkey, Egypt and Algeria were in the middle.
An article on the survey, titled“A Cross-National Study of Subjective Sexual Well-Being Among Older Women and Men: Findings from the Global Study of Sexual Attitudes and Behaviors,” is published in the April issue of the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior.
In relationships based on equality, couples tend to develop sexual habits that are more in keeping with both partners’ interests, said lead author, Edward Laumann, the George Herbert Meade Distinguished Service Professor in Sociology at the University of Chicago. “Male-centered cultures where sexual behavior is more oriented toward procreation tend to discount the importance of sexual pleasure for women,” he said.
The study, which was intended to draw out people’s subjective evaluation of the role of sex in their relationships with partners, included questions about how physically or emotionally satisfying their relationships are and how important sex is to them. They also were asked about their overall happiness; physical and mental health circumstances, including sexual dysfunction; their attitudes toward sex; and their attitudes toward various social and demographic factors, including age, education, income and religious affiliation.
This is the first large-scale international study to include large numbers of respondents from diverse religious traditions, including Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist and other Asian religions, and atheists. A particular focus is on the impact of aging, health conditions and socio-cultural context on sexual well-being.
At the beginning of the interview, respondents were asked if they were happy with their lives as a whole. The study found that subjective feelings of sexual well-being are strongly correlated with overall happiness for both men and women across all of the countries studied. Other findings of the study include:
Across all of the countries studied, there are large gender differences in sexual well-being. On average, men reported at least 10 percentage points to their sexual health and well-being above the percentages that women reported.
* In Western nations, two-thirds of men and women reported their sexual relationships were satisfying, and 80 percent said they were satisfied with their ability to have sex. About half of the men and one third of the women said sex was extremely or very important in their lives.
* In Middle Eastern nations, 50 percent of men and 38 percent of women found their sex lives satisfying. About 70 percent said they were satisfied with their ability to have sex. Sixty percent of men and 37 percent of women said sex is an important part of their overall lives.
* In East Asian countries, only about one quarter of men and women reported physical and emotional pleasure with sex, while two thirds of the men and half of the women reported satisfaction with their ability to have sex. Among men, 28 percent said sex was important to them, while only 12 percent of the women did.Pfizer Inc. funded the Global Study of Sexual Attitudes and Behaviors. Other authors of the paper are Anthony Paik, a sociologist at the University of Iowa; Dale Glasser, a public health epidemiologist for Pfizer Inc.; Joeng-Han Kang, a methodologist at Chicago; Tianfu Wang, a sociologist at Tsinghua University, Beijing, China; Bernard Levinson, a psychiatrist in Johannesburg, South Africa; Edson Moreira, a medical public health epidemiologist at the Oswaldo Cruz Foundation in Bhaia, Brazil; Alfredo Nicolosi, a physician and epidemiologist at the National Research Council, Milan, Italy; and Clive Gingell, a urologist at Southmead Hospital, Bristol, England.
Read a blurb about this in Woman’s Day magazine while I was waiting for Annie at the dentist this morning. It makes sense to me, but I’m wondering how they defined and measured gender equality in the relationship. The whole study is here:, but I really don’t have time to read through it right now
Last day of vacation days in this batch of days that I took off, then back to work on Monday. Going to see They Might Be Giants tonight at Lincoln Park Zoo. When we bought the tix, we figured it would be an early evening kids-oriented kind of show. We knew it started at 7p, but didn’t think it would run too late. Now, they’ve added 2 bands & TMBG aren’t even starting until 9p. It’s going to be a late night for all of us!
Tomorrow - Manville Bash in West Chicago - community party. Red Woody is playing. My nephew is the temporary replacement drummer for them, but I don’t know if the regular drummer is back in the band, yet (was out for new baby reasons).
My BIL, David, has been staying with us for a few days. Makes things kind of complicated around here, trying to find beds for everyone, get everyone up for work/school (he needs to be awakened at 5:30a & tends to fall back to sleep sometimes). He’s only supposed to be staying for a few days, but I’m not sure when he’ll be moving into Uncle Bob’s house. He got married a year ago in June to a woman in Maryland (has been living there for a couple years). Couldn’t get/keep a steady job there, so he decided to come back here to see what he could find. Started a part-time job in food service at a high school 2 train stops away from us on Wednesday. His wife is supposed to be following out here to Illinois some time in Sept or Oct (maybe - nothing is really set, yet) & they are staying (temporarily/permanently?) with Uncle Bob. Not sure if they are taking him up on his offer to help him fix up the house in exchange for ‘buying’ the house from him by paying off his equity loan. Sweet deal, if you ask me.
Off to try to get some stuff together to sell on E-Bay. Jim & I are trying to economize, find ways to pay off credit card debt for good (I really mean it this time) & bring in a couple hundred extra dollars a month so that we can keep on living our current lifestyle (comfortably buying stuff that we want, going to movies, eating out every once in a while, etc). We’re selling what we can. We’re looking at extra ways to bring in cash - part-time jobs? babysitting? Closing off an extra insurance policy? Borrowing against 401(k)? Withdrawing (with penalty) early from 401(k)? Just want to get to a point where Jim’s not worrying all the time. That’s no way to live.
Shelby started first grade today
Allison had a half day, yesterday & her first full day as a sophomore today. She started out the day, yesterday, withdrawn & sullen, but, by the time she got home from school seemed more herself, more upbeat. And, seemed pretty positive this morning, too. I hope she finds a way to enjoy her days. She’s got to be there, anyway - might as well have as much fun as she can & learn as much as she can, too.
We ran out to get some extra school supplies yesterday afternoon. There was a package of water bombs in the school supply aisle that Annie wanted. They were cheap enough, so I got them for her. When we got home, we had “The First Annual Day Before The First Full Day Of School Water Balloon Fight”.
Candyland is boring. So are kids birthday parties. Well, not always. Actually, they can be fun, if you’re in the mood for them. But, truly, neither of these was intended to entertain adults.
You know what else is boring?
Changing diapers. Cooking. Washing the dishes. Doing laundry. Cleaning the house. Potty training. Playing peek-a-boo.
Actually none of these things has to be boring, either. It’s all in your attitude, your flexibility, your ability to live in the now, find joy in your life.
But, that’s a whole different philosophical discussion.
Of course, this line of thinking was brought on by the now infamous Helen Kirwan Taylor piece in the Daily Mail, along with reading through all of the responses to it on the blog-o-net.
I read some really nice responses. I especially love the ones that point out that it’s not an all-or-nothing proposition here. You don’t have to choose between being a parent who hates the tedious job and all who do it -or- being a parent who’s life is consumed by their children leaving all else aside. There’s a middle ground that most of us actually inhabit.
So many of the replies seem to be missing an important point, as far as I can see. Many of them talk about the joy you get from your children as a reward for the tedium. True, that’s nice. A sticky hug, a droopy bunch of flowers, a picture drawn just for you. All very nice. But, that’s still not why I do the boring things. I do the boring things because they are part of the job that I promised to do when I chose to have children.
For me, it’s not a trade off. I’m not trying to make the joy that I give equal the joy that I receive, at least not in any measurable way. Parenting was a choice that I made. I may not have realized, when I started, how much work it was going to be, but there’s no turning back now. I can’t even imagine expecting to get back from the kids an amount of effort equal to the amount that I expend. It’s not about the actual return from them. It’s about the self-respect that I feel in doing this job to the best of my ability. And, Candyland is part of the job.
When you play Candyland with your kids, you’re not doing it because it might be entertaining for you. I hope that you’re not doing it because your little tyrant demands it of you or because you feel you need to be their entertainment committee to keep them from a moment of unstimulating boredom. You might be doing it because you love your kid & like to spend time with them, though. But, no matter why you do it, the outcome of playing Candyland with your kids is that you teach them how to take turns, how to interact with other people, how to deal with winning and losing. You are teaching them the things that they need to know to be good adults.
When you go to children’s birthday parties, you don’t do it because it sounds like the party would be a hoot! You do it so that you can teach your child how to behave at social events, how to behave in other people’s homes, how to be a gracious guest, how to be a good friend. You are teaching her the things that she needs to know to be a likeable, welcome person when she’s grown.
When you have the millionth conversation with your 6 year old about dolphins, you’re not doing it because you find dolphins fascinating. You’re doing it so that he will learn about the give and take of conversation, will learn how to politely listen to others, will learn how to keep someone’s attention.
If you don’t teach your kids these things through your own interaction with them then they will either
1) not ever learn it & be boring, tedious, rude all of their lives (maybe that’s why Helen Kirwan Taylor’s kids *are* so boring to her - because she never actually tried to teach them to be interesting)
2) learn it from other kids who’s parents taught them
3) learn it from other adults
No matter what, though, if you don’t do it (or make appropriate arrangements so that they can learn these things from others), then you aren’t fulfilling your responsibility as a parent.
You don’t need to play with them all the time. You don’t need to be their *only* source of entertainment. They don’t need to be your only interest in life. But, you do need to be their parent.
IM from Jim this morning, while I was at work…
maureennav: still sleeping?
gazoogleheimer: no, we got up a little after 8
gazoogleheimer: anna started calling from her bed :”mom”
gazoogleheimer: and I told her to come into the bedroom, that you were gone
gazoogleheimer: and then, she didn’t come, and was quiet for about half an hour, and I fell back asleep
maureennav: that’s nice
maureennav: what was she doing?
gazoogleheimer: then, she called again about 8:45 and got up
gazoogleheimer: i don’t know
maureennav: sleeping or playing, i hope
gazoogleheimer: she was happy when she got up
gazoogleheimer: wanted to talk about babies
gazoogleheimer: and milk
maureennav: ahh
gazoogleheimer: then shelby got up, talking about cat milk, and maybe he could drink that
:rofl:
hmmmm…..
Allison started school (sophomore) this morning (half day today). Sullen, moody, snapping at us, slammed the door as she got out of the car to go into the school this morning. (Don’t worry, I know this is all a mask to cover her fear of the unknown, fear of rejection - We’ll survive (including her))
Shelby doesn’t start school (1st grade) until tomorrow. Last night, he was walking around with his packed backpack on. Then, he put it by the door & told me that he wanted to keep it there, so that it was ready to go in the morning. I reminded him that he wasn’t starting school for two mornings, yet. He said, “That’s OK, then it will be ready for that morning”.
(Chant for today: Please meet a kid who you connect with & will want to spend time with & will look forward to seeing every day)
