I love the passing of time

Candyland is boring. So are kids birthday parties. Well, not always. Actually, they can be fun, if you’re in the mood for them. But, truly, neither of these was intended to entertain adults.

You know what else is boring?

Changing diapers. Cooking. Washing the dishes. Doing laundry. Cleaning the house. Potty training. Playing peek-a-boo.

Actually none of these things has to be boring, either. It’s all in your attitude, your flexibility, your ability to live in the now, find joy in your life.

But, that’s a whole different philosophical discussion.

Of course, this line of thinking was brought on by the now infamous Helen Kirwan Taylor piece in the Daily Mail, along with reading through all of the responses to it on the blog-o-net.

I read some really nice responses. I especially love the ones that point out that it’s not an all-or-nothing proposition here. You don’t have to choose between being a parent who hates the tedious job and all who do it -or- being a parent who’s life is consumed by their children leaving all else aside. There’s a middle ground that most of us actually inhabit.

So many of the replies seem to be missing an important point, as far as I can see. Many of them talk about the joy you get from your children as a reward for the tedium. True, that’s nice. A sticky hug, a droopy bunch of flowers, a picture drawn just for you. All very nice. But, that’s still not why I do the boring things. I do the boring things because they are part of the job that I promised to do when I chose to have children.

For me, it’s not a trade off. I’m not trying to make the joy that I give equal the joy that I receive, at least not in any measurable way. Parenting was a choice that I made. I may not have realized, when I started, how much work it was going to be, but there’s no turning back now. I can’t even imagine expecting to get back from the kids an amount of effort equal to the amount that I expend. It’s not about the actual return from them. It’s about the self-respect that I feel in doing this job to the best of my ability. And, Candyland is part of the job.

When you play Candyland with your kids, you’re not doing it because it might be entertaining for you. I hope that you’re not doing it because your little tyrant demands it of you or because you feel you need to be their entertainment committee to keep them from a moment of unstimulating boredom. You might be doing it because you love your kid & like to spend time with them, though. But, no matter why you do it, the outcome of playing Candyland with your kids is that you teach them how to take turns, how to interact with other people, how to deal with winning and losing. You are teaching them the things that they need to know to be good adults.

When you go to children’s birthday parties, you don’t do it because it sounds like the party would be a hoot! You do it so that you can teach your child how to behave at social events, how to behave in other people’s homes, how to be a gracious guest, how to be a good friend. You are teaching her the things that she needs to know to be a likeable, welcome person when she’s grown.

When you have the millionth conversation with your 6 year old about dolphins, you’re not doing it because you find dolphins fascinating. You’re doing it so that he will learn about the give and take of conversation, will learn how to politely listen to others, will learn how to keep someone’s attention.

If you don’t teach your kids these things through your own interaction with them then they will either

1) not ever learn it & be boring, tedious, rude all of their lives (maybe that’s why Helen Kirwan Taylor’s kids *are* so boring to her - because she never actually tried to teach them to be interesting)
2) learn it from other kids who’s parents taught them
3) learn it from other adults

No matter what, though, if you don’t do it (or make appropriate arrangements so that they can learn these things from others), then you aren’t fulfilling your responsibility as a parent.

You don’t need to play with them all the time. You don’t need to be their *only* source of entertainment. They don’t need to be your only interest in life. But, you do need to be their parent.