I love the passing of time

Yahoo! Just last night, he read to me from a book that he couldn’t read when we got it from the library in the summer (and told him that he’d get $1 if he figured out how to read it to us).

He is so excited about all of this!

He’s going to have a few issues, I think, with the oddball things in the English language - the things that don’t adhere to any rules at all. But, for the most part, he now believes he can sound out just about any word that’s put in front of him.

Yippee!

This is hard, very, very hard…

Hard game here

I left it up & Allison worked on it for a while. Then, we worked on it together for a bit. Then, I finished it.

So, it is solvable, but I haven’t, technically, done it myself, yet

Here are the rules:
Click on the big blue circle.
Everybody has to cross the river.
Only 2 persons on the raft at a time.

The father can not stay with any of the daughters, without their mother’s presence.

The mother can not stay with any of the sons, without their father’s presence.

The thief (striped shirt) can not stay with any family member, if the Policeman is not there.

Only the father, the mother, and the policeman know how to operate the raft.

To move the people click on them.
To move the raft, click on the pole on the opposite side of the river.

Through the Troll Baby blog, I found this post at Parent Hacks, that tells of a woman stationed in Iraq, who is collecting donations of stuffed animals & toys to hand out to Iraqi children. From the linked article, it sounds like she’d be happy to collect & distribute school supplies, too.

I didn’t know what we were going to do tonight after soccer practice. Now, I think, we’ll be packing up a box & sending it to:

Edmay Mayers
USACE - GRS
APO AE 09331

This is the kind of thing that I think everyone can get on board with, despite their political leanings. I know my kids are going to love it & that it will give us a good opportunity to talk about how war affects people, and about cultural differences. Tomorrow night, there’s a candlelight peace vigil outside Hastert’s office in Batavia (right next door to our town). I think that this will be a great way to get the kids (and me) thinking about the realities of war & hoping for peace.

I’ve got two lists here on my desk at work (besides the regular work stuff). One is a list of things that I think of that I want to write/blog about, when I get time. One is a list of personal things that I should do when I have downtime here at work. Both of them have things written on them that have been completed and crossed off, too.

And, of course, I actually have some work to do, while I’m here :-p

To Do:

PTO Newsletter (yikes! I can’t believe I haven’t done that yet!)

Kim Letter (yucky - why do I keep putting that off?) (Kim is Allison’s mom - we need to send her a ‘here’s what she’s doing in school, here’s what days are off school - do you want us to bring her to you, the door is always open’ kind of thing)

Aunt Pat (Jim’s aunt - in the hospital, thousands of miles away in Portland, OR - need to send her letters, pictures, cards, stuff)

WeGo Run - Molly/Karyn (need to try to help both of them donate to the PTO-sponsored run in the spring)
Jump Mileage (need to document payment, addresses & mileage from this weekend’s moon jump deliveries)

I also have a few school papers (volunteer for fun fair, order school t-shirts, fundraiser & boy scout fundraiser) sitting here that I have to do something with.

Blogging Thoughts:

Magic Feather (Everyone’s got one!)

A parent’s world does revolve around their children

Dads (thinking about the dads we saw at the playground on a sunday afternoon - how many were cramming 2 weeks worth of parenting into a 3 day weekend - how can we get dads to know how great it is to hands on parent their own kids - how can we give them the confidence to buck society & do it - etc)

Balanced parenting - letting your kids know that they are awesome in every way, while still teaching them empathy & awareness of their impact on others, teaching them that *everyone else* is awesome, too.

Volunteers - Parents (and others, I guess) whining about the ’service’ they are getting from volunteers in various organizations

Lassie - Sell our pets (Reading Lassie to the kids - Annie worried that we might try to sell our pets & subsequent laughter imagining the sales pitch needed to sell the untrainable (but loveable) beagle/cattledog mix & the basset hound who poops on the floor when she’s scared (and she’s scared of *everything*)) (There - now I don’t think I have to blog about that one anymore - you get the idea )

Ouchie re:AP (a reply to a comment that I made on another board, regarding attachment parenting, that was cleverly worded to appear informative (and it may very well have been), but, instead, seemed like a dig at parents who use attachment parenting techniques)

Men - emotions (another blogger posted about laughing at her SO when he talked about his emotions. I, of course, get all worked up when anyone perpetuates the societal pressure against men - making them think that they should be embarrassed if they show emotion - that it’s wrong - or unmanly. bleah. it’s such a big topic for me, that I can’t figure out how to approach it & say everything that I think needs to be said)

Wrestling (just a whine about BIL who is *still* living with us)

Find Me/Here I Am (really more of a reminder to me to think about a website idea that Jim & I have talked about, but not really moved on. Want to be able to list info about myself (along the lines of Classmates.com, but free) - schools, jobs, cities, maiden name, etc - along with contact info - so that people can find me (and so that I can find the women/former co-workers who I’ve lost touch with over the years))

Betsy/Other people’s children - Just some more ranting/musing about her, along with some introspection into myself as to accepting differences in others.

That’s all… In case you were wondering what kind of things I was thinking about doing/blogging, even if I never actually get around to it.

Had a big long phone conversation with my next older sister about an hour ago. Has me thinking about parenting and about the shifting relationships in my family (my sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews) over our lives. Funny how old memories pop up, things that you had totally forgotten about, years & days & nights. Times when we were friends, times when we were far apart, at different stages in our lives, all of us - but, still that same connection, that same starting place for all of us.

My next older sister is looking for a new house. Through all of the shifts in her life, divorces, moves, death of a teen daughter & an infant granddaughter, she’s at a point now where it’s just her & her two elementary school boys. This afternoon, she’s having a realtor show her the house across the street from mine. Despite the fact that we’ve had our ups & downs, have different lifestyles sometimes, have different ways of going about life (and don’t we all?), I’m kind of hoping that she decides to make an offer on it. It would be nice. Family is nice to have around - both for ourselves & for our kids.

I’ve got this song going through my head right now.

Chinese Café
by Joni Mitchell print

Caught in the middle
Carol we’re middle class
We’re middle aged
We were wild in the old days
Birth of rock ‘n’ roll days
Now your kids are coming up straight
And my child’s a stranger
I bore her
But I could not raise her
Nothing lasts for long
Nothing lasts for long
Nothing lasts for long

Down at the Chinese Cafe
We’d be dreaming on our dimes
We’d be playing “Oh my love, my darling”
One more time

Uranium money
Is booming in the old home town now
It’s putting up sleek concrete
Tearing the old landmarks down now
Paving over brave little parks
Ripping off Indian land again
How long how long
Short sighted business men
Ah nothing lasts for long
Nothing lasts for long
Nothing lasts for long

Down at the Chinese Cafe
We’d be dreaming on our dimes
We’d be playing “You give your love, so sweetly”
One more time

Christmas is sparkling
Out on Carol’s lawn
This girl of my childhood games
With kids nearly grown and gone
Grown so fast
Like the turn of a page
We look like our mothers did now
When we were those kids’ age
Nothing lasts for long
Nothing lasts for long
Nothing lasts for long
Down at the Chinese Cafe
We’d be dreaming on our dimes
We’d be playing
“Oh my love, my darling
I’ve hungered for your touch
A long lonely time
And time goes by so slowly
And time can do so much
Are you still mine?
I need your love
I need your love
God speed your love to me”
(Time goes - where does the time go
I wonder where the time goes)

Allison told me this story, while we were sitting at the side of the playground, at Shelby’s school picnic last night. For anyone who doesn’t know - Allison is a Sophomore in High School.

She said that, on Saturday when she was watching the kids at soccer, Shelby told her that they had two playgrounds at his school (just like the school where soccer is played). He asked Allison if they had two playgrounds at her school. She told him that they didn’t have *any* playgrounds. She said that he looked sad for her then & asked, “So, what do you do at recess?”

She thought that was funny

Well, Shelby is now, officially, in the Tiger Den. We’ll go get his uniform this weekend.

He was enthralled! They passed out patches, badges & belt loops to the established scouts during the meeting, explaining how they earned each one.

I had to fight down fleeting Hitler Youth feelings from time to time, but, for the most part, let myself get caught up in the excitement and pride that the boys were feeling.

On the way out, I asked Shelby what he thought was the coolest thing about the scouts, from the meeting. He said that it was when they passed out the awards. He said that he felt so happy and proud for the boys who earned those patches. He’s all psyched for earning his own.

There was only one mention of religion during the meeting & that was to say that it was possible to earn a ‘Religious Knot’ badge, but that they should look for a troop in their own church to help them to earn that. And, the only flag waving (and pledge of allegiance saying) was, well, during the opening pledge of allegiance.

Shelby is so excited about this that I know I’ll jump right in and be excited with him.

Ahoy, har’s a translator if ye need some help Aye.

Tonight, we go to a meeting where we learn about and register for Boy Scouts.

My father was a scout leader for years and years. I thought that was so cool. I was proud of him for that. There are so very many great things about scouting. I love the respect for nature, the philanthropic and humanitarian service projects, the friendships & memories that can be formed.

Over the past few years, though, I’ve become aware of some things about the scouts that I am not very proud of.

I don’t think that what a person does in their private life, as long as it is not harmful to kids or to others, should have any bearing on whether they participate in scouting (or any other activity).

Jim and I are both finding ourselves to be agnostic humanists, too, which makes me uncomfortable with the idea of the scout oath:

Cub Scout Promise
I, (name), promise to do my best
To do my duty to God and my country,
To help other people, and
To obey the Law of the Pack.

That one, actually, might be easier for Shelby than I think, though. I’m pretty sure that, right now, he is leaning towards a belief of his own. And, that’s fine, as long as he respects others decisions to believe in their own God, to not believe in God or to not know whether they believe. And, I know that he does. I’ll take the time to explain all of the words to him & make sure that he can find a way to believe them before he makes the promise. I want him to always be able to keep any promise that he makes. I know that he wants that, too.

I’m also not sure if *my* understanding of my duty to my country is the same as the scouts

It’s going to be weird, going into the scouts. But, starting a campfire group seemed overwhelming. And, for social reasons, I think it’s best for Shelby to just quietly go along with the majority for now.

So, I guess I’ll just try to keep my mouth shut at the registration/information meeting, tonight. :-p

We spent almost all day on the soccer fields on Saturday.

9am - Annie’s team pic (everyone on her team was late, we could have got there at 10…)

10am-12:30p - I had to be on the U5/U6 fields as field director (Allison kept Annie & Shelby at the playground for me)

10:30am - Annie’s game

12:50pm - Shelby’s pic

2pm - Shelby’s game

It was a long day, but, with Allison’s help, it was manageable. (Jim, on the other hand, had an even longer day - starting with working Friday night, through 3 jump setups & 1 take down by himself (1 home nap for an hour, 1 van nap for an hour during that time), adding me & the little ones into the mix for 2 more takedowns in the evening, ending with staying up late on Sat night to watch ‘V for Vendetta’ with Allison, because she’d been looking forward to sharing the movie with us all week & he didn’t want to let her down). During Shelby’s game, I said to Allison, “Years from now, I’m going to look back on this day & long to have it back to do again, to spend so much time with you all here on the soccer fields all day. Right now, though, I just want to go home ” She smiled at that ((hug)) I like the way she can already appreciate that feeling, even at her age.

Anyway - it was a busy day all around. But, back to the stupid Asteroids, or, to be more specific, their parents…

As field director, it’s my (volunteer, unpaid, if *someone* didn’t do it, there would be no U5/U6 games) job to make sure that everyone’s playing on the right fields, to deal with mixups, short teams, missing coaches. I also make sure that the coaches are sticking to the really simple rules for U5/U6 short-sided games. And, I make sure that the spectators are all behaving in a positive manner that will help *all* of the children to have fun, learn skills, build self-esteem and learn good sportsmanship. This is the hardest part of the job. Not only because it’s difficult in general, but because I have a hard time confronting adults about their behavior.

This year, almost all of the teams, parents & coaches are completely on board with AYSO/Kid Zone philosophies. I have seen some amazing, inspiring coaching and parenting out there on the fields this year. It feels like almost every adult out there is 100% working towards the success of *all of the children on the field, including the children on the opposing team*. I see coaches working together, to coach both teams on the field. I see the entire sideline cheering every goal, every ball moved down the field. I see coaches pulling their strong players so that the other team and the other players on their team can get some good contact with the ball. And, I see kids working together as teams and having a great time.

Except for the Asteroids.

From what I’ve seen, it appears that the parents of the Asteroids signed their child up for soccer with the goal of their child being a winning player on a winning team. Or, perhaps more accurately, with the desire to be the parent of a winning player on a winning team.

Now, all of these kids are under 6 years old (or turn 6 during the season). That’s what ‘U6′ stands for. There is to be no score-keeping during these games, but I know it’s hard for the kids not to keep track of their successes. My own kids can tell me how many goals they made themselves. Shelby can tell me how many goals the whole team made and how many the opposing team made. Or, at least an approximation. When he does, I always remind him that everyone out there is still learning skills and that they all don’t have the same level of experience.

The AYSO goals for U5 & U6 kids is that they learn how to move the ball down the field, that they learn how to pass & work as a team, that they learn the fundamentals of the game (what happens when a ball goes out, for example), and that they learn how to shoot for their goal. There are no goalkeepers allowed on this level. Defense is not a priority at this level. They do work on one-on-one defense a bit, but only to teach the kids the skill of getting control of the ball and the basics of defending their goal.

AYSO participates in the Kids Zone program (sorry, the link is a pdf - I hate those). Additionally, parents are told to let the coach do the coaching and the parents do the cheering (another PDF - sorry…).

But, still, on Saturday, the parents of the Asteroids were *yelling* instructions at their kids. And, they weren’t positive. They were “GET THAT BALL AWAY FROM HER, GRACIE!” and “BLOCK THAT GOAL!” kind of things. And, yes, imagine a crazed, angry fan, screaming at a referee about a bad call kind of voice, contorted face and all - that’s what they sounded and looked like. There were so many people yelling at those kids that I had no idea who was the coach and who was the parent.

The comic relief for me is seeing the confused parents and coaches on the opposing teams as they watch this and help their kids to deal with it. This week, the coach was doing a lot of going right up to her kids, hugging them and whispering instructions & encouragement to them. The parents were doing a lot of positive talk from the sides - for *both teams*.

The tragic part is seeing the Asteroids kids dealing with it all - angry, scared faces - confusion - pushing. You can almost see them thinking “I can’t screw up again or mom/dad will think I’m a failure.”

The Asteroid parents appear to be having the time of their lives, though; when they are not yelling at the kids, they are laughing to each other.

I stood and watched it as much as I could last Saturday. My own daughter was playing 2 fields away & I wanted to be there for her & the teams on that field, too. But, Allison & Shelby were there, so I got away pretty often to stand by the Asteroids game. Now, last week, my presence seemed to tone down the negative behavior by those parents. This week, though, they seemed not to notice me there. Or, maybe they did & decided that it just didn’t matter to them that I was there. I’m not a very imposing presence

Right before the end of the game, though, something happened that totally blew me away. One of the players on the opposing team shot a goal and missed. They didn’t miss because an Asteroid player made a good play & defended the goal. The goal was wide open and undefended. The child missed because he was a 5 year old kid & just didn’t shoot straight.

When this happened, the Asteroid parents actually cheered.

They cheered because a child missed a goal. They cheered a child’s failure. They stood there not 10 feet from a child who made a mistake and proudly shouted “Yay!”.

I stood there in amazement, blinking my eyes, shaking my head. I made eye contact with the woman who I think might be the coach & just mouthed, ‘Wow’. She laughed.

Fuck her.

By the time I walked around to the other side of the field where all of the parents were, they called time. Game was over & I still hadn’t figured out how I was going to address it anyway. I’m still not sure. I know that I have to do something, though.

Shelby (late last night, just before bed): Mom, from now on, I’m going to call you by your actual name, which is Maureen. OK?
Me: Sure, that’s fine

:rofl:

(He was calling me ‘Mom’ this morning )

Remember how, when we were kids, we thought coffee was disgusting?

What were we thinking?

Yum!