Guilt
Last night… Bedtime running late as usual. Laptop is not working, so I told the kids that I wasn’t going to sit in by them, as I usually/mostly do, while they’re falling asleep. When I’m sitting in their room, I’m 3 feet away from them. When I’m sitting in the living room, I’m about 10 feet away from them. So, it really shouldn’t be a big deal & I know they’re both capable of dealing with that, having done so before.
But, last night, Shelby was not ready to fall asleep on his own. Too tired, maybe. Too much going on in his day that wouldn’t let him rest. He just wanted a grownup by him while he was falling asleep. He kept getting up for more water, asking me when he could go to the big bed (dad’s night off, last night, so we sometimes stay up late and ‘watch tv 
’ ), asking if I would come sit by them, etc. I finally got up & said, with a sigh, “I guess I’ll have to come in there, or you’ll never sleep”. I turned off the DVR recording of Daily Show that we were sitting down to watch. I got a book & a flashlight, then went in & sat down in their room.
Annie fell asleep pretty quick. But, I could tell that Shelby was having a hard time settling down. About 3 minutes into my sitting down, he said “I’m OK, you should go back & watch TV”. I said, “No, I’m 2 paragraphs into this story, now, so I’m going to finish it”.
Still more quiet tossing & blanket adjusting. About 15 minutes into it, after Annie was asleep, I hear a quiet “Mom?” from the bed where he’s sleeping.
I said, “What?”
He said, quietly, “I feel really bad that I made you come in here with me instead of doing what you wanted to do”.
I put the book down & went over to hug him. I said, “You know what, I’m feeling bad that I made you beg me to come in to be by you, when you needed me, instead of just coming in & helping you because I love you”.
I told him that I would finish the story that I was reading, then go out to watch TV with dad. He got up for a drink, potty, then went to sleep.
I’ve got to start trusting that he is empathetic & independent. That he doesn’t ask for help unless he needs it. And, I’ve got to remember how short this time is with the kids & give them what they need when they need it, while I still can.
You are seriously the best mother and all other mothers should follow your lead.
Comment by Robin — July 24, 2008 @ 6:55 pm
Wow been reading your blog thing for a while just an fyi seems like you prefer your son over your daughter, seems like your choosing favorites, i feel bad for your daughter or middle child. Sad thing really.
Comment by PSHH — July 26, 2008 @ 2:30 am
Interesting observation. Thanks for sharing. I tried emailing you back, but you must have accidentally mistyped your email address.
What brought you to that conclusion? Can you elaborate? I’d really be interested to know. I’m always ready to learn more & grow.
Comment by naivemelody — July 26, 2008 @ 2:58 am
New Email address give, email me there. You just talk about him more and reading over your posts seems like you are more annoyed of your daughter than you are of your son, you certainly talk about your son a lot more, not to mention seem to be more fond of him. Since I can tell by reading some of your posts I wonder how obvious it is to the real world, or to your daughter. In a blog a while back you stated she loves attention and was doing something to get your attention, well I wonder why, it is extremely obvious who you favor, even to an outsider like me. Just giving you a heads up, wouldnt want your daughter to feel unloved or 2nd best. You can email me for more if you want.
Comment by Real — July 26, 2008 @ 3:19 am
Example Number One - One of your Blogs
“Annie got an uninflated balloon when trick or treating.
She asked me to blow up the balloon & then went to play with it in the living room.
She came back a few minutes later & asked me to put a string on it.
I did (eventually).
After she’d had the string on it for a couple minutes, she came back to me & said “Mom, it’s not going up!”.
I had to explain to her that it’s not the string that makes the balloon go up, but the helium inside of it.
Weird, what kids think. ”
You say “weird what kids think” but I bet if it had been your son you would have been like oh he is funny or amazing or something. It is pretty obvious that 90% of your blogs are praising your son or what he does, or his school stuff, while your daughter barely even exists. And when she does do or say something seems like it aint as fantastic as your son. You should really become more aware of yourself, just read through your posts through others point of view, someone has a favorite. Your daughter will realize it isnt her one day.
Comment by Real — July 26, 2008 @ 3:27 am
Y’know - the balloon story is one of Annie’s favorites, actually. She likes to hear it & she thinks it’s cute. I did too when I wrote it. I guess it didn’t come across for you in my writing, though.
Still, looking through the things that you’ve been reading in the hours you’ve been here, today, I’m not really seeing it. I haven’t done any statistical analysis or actually counted how many times each child was mentioned, but just going through the links that you looked at, the references to each of them seems pretty equal. And, as in the balloon story, they all seem pretty positive, overall. Do you think it might be possible that you’re reading from a perspective brought from your own personal experiences & seeing negative where it’s not intended? Or, it could just be that I’m just tired at this time of night. Maybe if I take a look again when I’m fresher, I’ll be able to see what you’re trying to share.
Thanks for taking all that time & putting a lot of thought into it for me, though. You don’t often see people doing things like that for people they don’t know. It’s always good to hear how others see things.
I will certainly think about what you wrote when I blog in the future. Only thing is that, if I blog about Annie or Allison, I’ll think that people think I’m doing it just to try to prove something -and- if I post about Shelby, I’ll think that you’ll be thinking, “Oh, yeah - there she goes again”
Hmmm… Maybe I’ll just blog about the dogs for a while :p
I look forward to hearing from you in the future. Thanks for sharing.
Comment by naivemelody — July 26, 2008 @ 5:39 am
well.. I have to say that person making comments about favoring one child over another doesn’t know you very well
glad I popped in.. Miss you!!!
Comment by babs — August 2, 2008 @ 2:10 am