I love the passing of time

Dear everyone -

I quit. As of the end of this school year, I am resigning my roles as PTO treasurer, Cub Master, chair and/or co-chair to each of the following committees: Spookarnival, Family Movie Night, Cultural Events, and any other committee that I’m on.

I will no longer be attending PTO meetings and I will volunteer at only one event, and, even then, only if you call me personally to ask me to do it and tell me exactly what you want me to do. I will do that half-heartedly and leave you having to finish the job yourself, anyway. Then, afterwards, I will expect accolades for my great accomplishment, for the way I made everything so much easier for everyone involved. If I don’t get the proper recognition, I will complain to you and everyone I know about how much of a clique the PTO is and then not volunteer again.

If I do decide to go to a PTO meeting or reply to a group email, I will make suggestions and then pout if they are discussed or if someone voices a different opinion about it. I will not bother to try to understand how a group works, but will, instead, take personal offense to the discussion of my idea and threaten to quit altogether. I will blame you, of course, for my inability to speak up for myself or to understand the give and take of conversation.

So, as of June 1, I resign. Not because I don’t like being involved in PTO or the school, but because I’m sick of the pathetic whining from the adults with personality disorders, who say that they are not being treated like adults but when faced with the idea of working with another adult, pout like children if they don’t get attention, have their hands held or have their minds read. I’m sick of hearing how people are not involved in PTO because PTO does not do things the way they would like them to do things. How can we do things your way if you don’t get in here and tell us how you’d like them done? And, why would we do things your way if you’re not in here helping us to do them?

Don’t tell me that I’m the problem. If you’re not participating, then *you* are the problem. You are your own problem.

So, you’d better find yourself a new cubmaster, one who runs the pack meetings the way you’d like them to be run.

And, you’d better find yourself a new person to chair Spookarnival with Mary. (Sorry, Mary - I hope it’s someone fabulous who learns quick - or, you could join me in this, too - let’s go get some coffee & join a book club!)

Movie night shouldn’t be too hard to cover. I think I have a good candidate who emailed me today - someone who thinks she knows exactly the direction that PTO should be going, but, who, apparently, is only willing to think it once and it’s our problem if we didn’t read her mind and follow her mental lead.

Treasurer - It’s a piece of cake! I’m sure there are dozens of parents out there who would like to handle all the money coming through.

Cultural arts? Doesn’t really matter, that budget’s been cut down to nothing. We’d hate to give the kids who can’t pay anything of value, right?

Buh-bye! Have fun! My kids & I will enjoy taking advantage of your time & effort!

Sad, disturbed, distracted by the news about the guy in the santa suit killing people at his ex in-law’s house on Christmas eve.

Maybe it’s just that we, also, have an old family friend dressed in a santa suit show up at our extended family gathering on Christmas eve every year, too.

I wonder if it will make me nervous about it all next year when it comes around.

But, more than anything, it just makes it easier to imagine what it was like being there, when it was happening.

And how it feels for the survivors, now

So, I entered the HP Magic Giveaway here: http://livingintheory.blogspot.com/2008/12/heres-deal.html

And, the premise of this particular bloggers contest was that people should say how they are impacting the lives of others -and- what they would do to pay forward the awesome prizes if they win.

She encouraged people entering to also go read the other entries. At first I thought it was some way of judging the contestants - maybe see how many comments they left with others, to see if they were truly ‘giving’ or were, instead, selfish. Maybe it is. Or, maybe it’s some other measure that she’s using to decide the winner.

Whatever it is, though and whether I win or not, it was truly a gift from her to me. A bonus prize, free for the taking.

Because, reading through the almost 150 entries, made me feel good about my fellow man. It made me happy to be here, with people who care. And, it made me feel, rightly or wrongly, that there are more people out there caring & doing than I know of in my day to day life. That people are giving in so many ways, people you know of, but also people you wouldn’t expect. The desire to share, to touch other lives, to do good, seems so universal and wonderful. It gives me hope.

Thank you for the rainshower, sugar!

OUR HOLD ON THE PLANET

We asked for rain. It didn’t flash and roar.
It didn’t lose its temper at our demand
And blow a gale. It didn’t misunderstand
And give us more than our spokesman bargained for;
And just because we owned to a wish for rain,
Send us a flood and bid us be damned and drown.
It gently threw us a glittering shower down.
And when we had taken that into the roots of grain,
It threw us another and then another still,
Till the spongy soil again was natal wet.
We may doubt the just proportion of good to ill.
There is much in nature against us. But we forget;
Take nature altogether since time began,
Including human nature, in peace and war,
And it must be a little more in favor of man,
Say a fraction of one percent at the very least,
Or our number living wouldn’t be steadily more,
Our hold on the planet wouldn’t have so increased.
- Robert Frost

Yesterday at church, they did a collection for the Illinois Youth Center. It was a special collection, presented in the ‘for all ages’ portion of the service (the part that talks to the kids or, includes them specifically, anyway).

Shel & Annie went to the front to listen to the story. Then went back to dad when the collection started (I was sitting away from them - there weren’t enough seats together when we got there - and could watch them from afar). Dad gave them each a dollar.

The basket came their way and they each put their dollar in, then passed it on. But, they didn’t just put their dollar in and pass it on. They swelled with joy as they put their dollar in. It was shining out of them, this feeling of being people who help others, who work towards bringing comfort and happiness where it might not exist already. For Shelby, grinning and beaming as he passed the basket on, the feeling was so strong that he turned to dad & buried his face into dad’s chest, as he hugged him. He was just overwhelmed with knowing he was doing something good.

Good lord, I love my kids!

Annie has been writing letters to Santa over the weekend. Secret letters that she doesn’t want anyone to see. She handed me the first one on Sunday morning, asking me to not look at it, but to please send it to Santa.

I looked… I couldn’t help it. If it had something in it that would help me make the magic, the belief that there is wonder and joy in the world, stronger for her, I wanted to know. Or, if there was something in there that might leave her belief in that wonder shattered, if it didn’t happen, I wanted to know, too.

It said…

Dear Santa,
You don’t have to bring me the other stuff I askt for. That’s just a idie for you. But, I relly want a happyer and nice family please

Which, if it was coming from a kid with a troubled and mean family, would be heartbreaking… But, coming from my Annie, in a family where we are happy and nice, it’s so sweet - it’s that happy & nice that raised her to believe that wishing for happiness for everyone is better than any present, anyway.

The harder letter that she wrote, though, was one she & Shel had been planning for a few days. I don’t have it here to copy verbatim, but in it she asks Santa to please, please, please wake her when he’s at our house, so that she can see him.

They are also planning a letter to Rudolph, asking him to wake them so that they can see Santa.

I’m going to have to think about that one. It would be a cool thing to at least reply to that, if I can’t figure out a way to make them believe that he was there, trying to wake them. If I had better photoshop skillz, I’d take a pic of them sleeping on xmas eve and photoshop Santa into it, somehow.

Hmmm… I hope I come up with something that they can believe before then, anyway

The responsive reading from church service, yesterday…

“Why Not A Star?”

They told me that when Jesus was born a star appeared in the heavens above the place where the young child lay.

When I was very young I had no trouble believing wondrous things; I believed in the star.

It was a wonderful miracle, part of a long ago story, foretelling an uncommon life.

They told me a super nova appeared in the heavens in its dying burst of fire.

When I was older and believed in science and reason I believed the story of the star explained.

But I found I was unwilling to give up the star, fitting symbol for the birth of one whose uncommon life has been long remembered.

The star explained became the star understood, for Jesus, for Buddha, for Zarathustra.

Why not a star? Some bright star shines somewhere in the heavens each time a child is born.

Who knows what it may foretell?

Who knows what uncommon life may yet again unfold, if we but give it a chance?

- Margaret Gooding

So, through a friend and a group and a 365 photo project, I came across this contest here: HP Magic Giveaway. It’s also here at ‘stop, drop and blog‘. And, I decided to give it a try.

The contestants are supposed to blog about how they are impacting the lives of others. That sounds so noble. And, it also sounds a bit immodest to brag about how you’re impacting the lives of others (hopefully in a positive way). But, I thought, I do impact the lives of others. I spend way too much time doing it. I could list them all out & sound like superwoman (or, at least, ‘good’woman).

The thing is, though, that not a single impactful thing that I’m doing is being done for selfless reasons. I get something out of all of them. Or, my kids do, which, in the long run, is still selfish on my part, because I take pride in doing this parenting thing responsibly and to the best of my ability.

Let’s take the foster puppies, to begin with. Here’s one of them right after it was born…

The Caseys at 4 Paws 4 U 4 Ever rescue dogs and puppies from high-kill shelters, mostly down south. They drive them here and find them homes, giving up their weekends to Petco adoption fairs, giving up their home to dogs, crates and dog runs. We do foster care for them. We’ll take a litter or two of pups or a pregnant dog and take care of them until they’re ready to be adopted. We clean up the mess, feed them, wake up in the night with them, take care of them, help the Casey’s with the website, did I mention cleaning up the mess? And, sure, it’s great to do all that for the good of the pups, to save the lives of the dogs.

But, what we really get out of it, the thing that makes it worthwhile for us, is that the kids get this endless stream of puppy fun in the house. They’re learning responsibility. And, they’re learning how good it feels to do good things in the world. They’ve always got a puppy to cuddle with when they need it, too.

And, there’s the PTO, the neverending PTO. The monthly meetings, the daily emails, the fundraisers, the working from home so that I’ll have time to go in and make copies of things, the personality conflicts, the weeks where I feel like I’m spending more time at the school than the kids, the begging and dealing for donations, the planning and research and dealing with last minute changes… All of this to make the school a great place for the teachers to teach and the children to learn.

But, of course, I wouldn’t do it if my kids didn’t attend that school. In fact, they seemed surprised a few weeks ago when I told them that, once they graduated from the school & moved on to middle school, I wouldn’t be on the PTO at their elementary school anymore. They thought that I was doing it for my own enjoyment. No, it’s just for them, so that I can know for sure that my kids go to a school where a group of parents, including me, are doing their best to fill their school years with good memories and to get them the best education we can while they are there.

Oh, and let’s not forget the scouts! We are lucky to have another PTO mom who has taken on the Girl Scout troop for my daughter’s class. But, no one was willing to take on Cubmaster for my son’s pack, after our old Cubmaster moved on. No one, that is, until I did it. Not because I love organizing pack meetings, planning events and coordinating volunteers. Not because I have a great fondness for the BSA and the ideals they represent. There are even a few BSA principles that I don’t agree with at all. Not because I selflessly want to give of my time so that all of the boys in the community can have a scouting experience in our Pack.

No, I’m doing it because I want my son to have that scouting experience, the sense of community and comraderie with the other boys. It’s for him that I’m doing it. And, for me, as his parent.

I’m sure that, once the kids are grown, I will still find ways of impacting other lives. It does feel good to do it. It makes me feel like I’m using my time on this planet wisely, productively. It beats spending time just thinking about yourself. I don’t think I’d like myself very much if that’s what I did with my days here.

But, even with my selfish motives, I can’t deny that I’m impacting other lives. I’m just doing it because it benefits me, my sense of self and my feelings of pride in what I do & who I am.

Does that count?

What would I do with all of that awesome hardware and software? Wow!

Well, PTO Movie Night is coming up in January. The kids are voting on the movie this week, but, so far, Kung Fu Panda is in the lead. So, I know I could use the movie for that.

And, my current kitchen laptop is no longer a laptop. It’s a laptop keyboard attached to a ‘basement monitor’ - something leftover from an upgrade back in the 90’s. That’s the computer where I sit to do all of my PTO, puppy rescue website updates, Cub Scout stuff. So, I’m sure that would be replaced. And, the old one would be saved or donated or craigslisted or freecycled.

My stepdaughter’s off to college next year, so that would take care of another one of the laptops. And, would be one less thing to worry about as she goes out into the world.

And, the printer would definitely be used well for all of the various charity & community organizing things I decide to do over the years. There’s always another flyer waiting to be printed, copied, collated and distributed.

The mini 1000 is enticing, too. I could access my overfilled Yahoo calendar from all kinds of meetings, to see where I could fit something else in.

The rest of the things… I’m not sure yet. But, one thing I am sure of, whatever I did decide to do with them would benefit someone, some organization or person in need, but would, eventually, leave me feeling like I made a choice that I could be proud of and that would teach the kids to do the same.

We’ve been getting a real kick out of reading through the descriptions for the ABC Family holiday movies for the past few weeks. We’ll hit ‘guide’ on the remote & just read the descriptions out loud and laugh. Give it a try - it’s lots of fun!

I keep telling Jim that he should make a simple website that just lists them off for everyone’s reading pleasure. Or, better still, a ‘Random ABC Family Holiday Movie Synopsis’ website with a button that gives you a new random one to read like popcorn, one after another.

Annie asked us, the week before Thanksgiving, if she could have hot lunch instead of bringing her lunch to school. She said that her friend, Anna, suggested she ask her mom. So, I’m thinking there were all kinds of conversations at lunch time about how Annie wanted hot lunch.

Anyway, we said she could get it twice a week, for a while (it’s $23.50 for 10 lunch ticket, too expensive to do every day). And, she has been talking, non-stop, about hot lunch ever since. She gets the lunch menu/calendar down from the fridge, pores over it, circles days, then crosses them out & circles others. I’ve never seen someone so excited about hot lunch.

She finally had hot lunch for the first time on Monday this week & told us all about it, in detail - who was in line with her, what she did, what she got, what was said, how it tasted, what she ate, what she didn’t eat, etc.

She’s eating it again, today, so I expect to hear the same report later, when I get home from work.

And, all of that is great.

Except…

Last night, as they were lying in bed, Annie was talking about how she would be getting hot lunch today and I wouldn’t have to make her lunch for her, while I was making the other kids’ lunches. And, then, Shelby said “Mom, when I’m not allergic to milk anymore, the first thing I’m going to have is pizza. Cheese pizza. Every day. I wonder what it tastes like”

:-(

I googled a bit last night, regarding outgrowing milk allergies, because we had kind of started to become resigned to the fact that he wouldn’t be outgrowing it. When he was first diagnosed, everyone said “Oh, don’t worry, most kids outgrow it by the time they’re 2 years old.” Then, when he didn’t outgrow it, they said “Most kids outgrow it before they start school”. Then, it was 8 years old… And, he’s almost 9, now. His RAST test did show a slight decrease in IgE antibiodies last July, but, still showed him as allergic. We’d kind of given up on hoping.

But, last night, I found an article from about a year ago ( http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/conditions/11/12/milk.allergy/index.html ), talking about a study that says that, actually, ‘most kids’ *don’t* outgrow milk allergies by the time they’re two years old. Only about 20% outgrow it by the time they are 4 years old! And, it goes on - 42% by age 8! Still not ‘most’. Finally, 64% by age 12. At least that’s more than half - still not ‘most’, though. And, finally 79% of the 807 kids in the study outgrew their milk allergy by the time they were 16. OK, that’s ‘most’. Or, close to it, anyway.

Sure, that still leaves 20% that don’t outgrow it, but we are much more hopeful this morning (I emailed Jim w/the article last night -and- told Shelby about it this morning). And, hope is such a nice feeling - much better than ‘resigned’!

I hope that, since this article came out, allergists are giving parents more realistic information, so that they can plan better and keep on hoping!