I love the passing of time

School went well for both of the little ones (Al’s doing OK, too - liking Chamber Choir better than anything else, but it sounds like she’s more comfortable there overall than she ever has been). Shelby came home happy. Said his new teacher is nice. Seemed excited, happy, at least not sad, about school in general. Annie loved it, but then, I knew she would. She said she went to recess 4 times yesterday!

Last night, whole family home together. Sure, we did our own things & Allison spent much of the night napping in her room (she’s seriously trying to shake a cold, for choir’s sake), but we were all home, together & mostly awake & that was nice.

Just before dinner time, Jim was switching back & forth from baseball game to an episode of Star Trek. A neighbor boy was at our house, playing DS with Shelby and said something like, “Ooh, Star Trek, cool!” when he saw it. So, Jim just left Star trek on for him. Then, I brought in dinner (Jim had made most of it, I just ‘plated’) & they left Star Trek on while they ate (yes, we eat in front of the TV). Annie & Shelby both sat & watched the whole thing (well, Shelby watched the whole thing - Annie watched most of it).

And, while they were watching, during commercials, we talked about how there are lots of different versions of Star Trek, including movies & books -and- how it’s a whole culture of people who love it, go to conventions, talk on the internet, collect things about it, etc. We talked about watching more of them. And, Jim & I figured that this would be a good thing to get everyone into over the school year & through the winter months.

After the show was over, I told the kids how the people who are into Star Trek are usually dorks, geeks, nerds & geeks (yes, I said geeks twice). Then we all fist-bumped to our newfound geekiness.

I’ve never watched much Star Trek myself, but whenever I do, I like it. I like the moral tales that they tell. I like the humanism in them. I like the interesting science fiction twists. This could be fun!

I keep wanting to call Jim. Just to check in, chat, see how his day’s going, talk about how he thinks the kids are doing in school, etc.

But, as of today, he’s going to be able to sleep during the day, while they’re in school. He’s probably sleeping now, even though he had last night off. We stayed up late, as we usually do on his night off, so I’m sure he’s tired enough to sleep for a while during the day today, anyway. And, he wants to get into the routine of sleeping while the kids are in school. So… I’m feeling all alone in my world - kids at school, Jim sleeping, just sitting here at work, waiting, alone…

It’s the first day of school for the little kids. Today, they are meeting their new teachers, learning new classroom rules & routines. And, I’m wondering how they’re doing, how they’re getting along in their day. I wish that I could be sitting beside them, or, psychically, hovering in the classrooms, observing, seeing how the day was going so far.

Annie was excited about it all - starting first grade & she just loves school. Many times, yesterday, I heard her singing “Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I love ya, Tomorrow, you’re only a day away!”. As she was about to fall asleep last night, she said, “Oh yeah! I just remembered, I’ll meet my new reading teacher, too!” She was in an advanced reading group last year - just her & a couple of other kids in the classroom - so, she thinks she’ll probably be doing the same this year, too.

Shelby… Not so much. He started crying at bedtime because he wanted Summer to be longer & school to be shorter. Same thing this morning, when he woke up. But, he seemed chipper by the time we were waiting for the bus & when I met them later on the playground with their school supplies. At the bus stop, Jim was joking around, saying that he wished Summer break would be 9 months & school would be just 3 months. We both agreed that the other kids might need more time to learn everything for the school year, but that our kids would probably be able to learn & understand it all in just 3 months time. Shelby said that he would like it like that and, then, at the end of the 3 months, he could decide if he wanted to stay longer. So, that’s a little bit of a more positive attitude, anyway.

I just hope that this year’s teacher can help him to stay engaged in the days, motivated, excited about learning. He does love to learn. He just hates doing busy work, learning things that he’s already learned - he also hates making mistakes & not understanding what he’s supposed to do. If I could be there with him, I’d be able to help him through all of this. But, I can’t be there with him. So, I hope that this year’s teacher knows how to recognize a kid like that & get him back to loving school.

My Aunt Betty passed away on Sunday. Her memorial service is tomorrow. The memory of her that stands out most in my mind is one from when I was younger - grade school age. She was sitting at my mom’s dining room table. Us kids were playing around on the floor. She called me over… “Psst, honey, come here”. She slipped a quarter into my hand, “Don’t tell your mom I gave you that”

She was like that. Their relationship was like that. I’m not really sure if she felt sorry for mom, superior to her, jealous of her & her big family, when she only had one child (who was, I believe, adopted, not that that matters, but it may play into the dynamic).

When I think of Aunt Betty, I see her with a cocktail in one hand & a cigarette in another. She always seemed glamorous to me. She reminded me of Lucille Ball - not the wacky Lucy, but the fabulous Hollywood star - A mother with a family, but still dressed, coifed & made up to be ready to entertain guests.

If there is a heaven or afterlife, I’m sure she’s there now - the life of the party.

Jim said that he was thinking about this when he was driving around doing jumps last weekend. Thinking about how your ‘dreams’ change over your life.

He said that right now, if he won a lot of money, the first thing he would do would be to get all new plumbing put into our house.

I think I’d get us new cars so that we wouldn’t have to worry about the falling apartness of our current ones. And, take the kids on a 2 week disney cruise

Annie loves Schoolhouse Rock - especially the History ones.

She was sitting her by the kitchen computer, watching them on youtube the other day, while I was busy in the kitchen.

She turned to me & said, “Mom, you know how they say they were missing mother England, but then they decided later that they wanted to be their own country? That’s kind of how I felt about school at the end of last year, when I was missing kindergarten & my teacher, but now I’m looking forward to first grade starting, too.”

Interesting parallel for such a young kid to draw

Today, at the zoo, we walked past a family of about 4 adults & a bunch of kids, sitting on and standing around a bench. They were all involved in a variety of conversations.

Then, I hear them calling a child’s name & one of the adults ran across the path to the bear habitat, where a toddler was climbing up by the fence. When she got to him, she spanked him and then walked him back to the group.

So, a bunch of adults who are responsible for this child, who clearly doesn’t know that it’s dangerous to wander off or climb into a bear habitat, were so busy in their conversations that they didn’t notice him walk away, through the other people walking past & up onto the bear fence…

And, it was the child being punished?

Wish I could spank the people who really deserve it some times.

The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit.

- Nelson Henderson

Last night… Bedtime running late as usual. Laptop is not working, so I told the kids that I wasn’t going to sit in by them, as I usually/mostly do, while they’re falling asleep. When I’m sitting in their room, I’m 3 feet away from them. When I’m sitting in the living room, I’m about 10 feet away from them. So, it really shouldn’t be a big deal & I know they’re both capable of dealing with that, having done so before.

But, last night, Shelby was not ready to fall asleep on his own. Too tired, maybe. Too much going on in his day that wouldn’t let him rest. He just wanted a grownup by him while he was falling asleep. He kept getting up for more water, asking me when he could go to the big bed (dad’s night off, last night, so we sometimes stay up late and ‘watch tv ’ ), asking if I would come sit by them, etc. I finally got up & said, with a sigh, “I guess I’ll have to come in there, or you’ll never sleep”. I turned off the DVR recording of Daily Show that we were sitting down to watch. I got a book & a flashlight, then went in & sat down in their room.

Annie fell asleep pretty quick. But, I could tell that Shelby was having a hard time settling down. About 3 minutes into my sitting down, he said “I’m OK, you should go back & watch TV”. I said, “No, I’m 2 paragraphs into this story, now, so I’m going to finish it”.

Still more quiet tossing & blanket adjusting. About 15 minutes into it, after Annie was asleep, I hear a quiet “Mom?” from the bed where he’s sleeping.

I said, “What?”

He said, quietly, “I feel really bad that I made you come in here with me instead of doing what you wanted to do”.

I put the book down & went over to hug him. I said, “You know what, I’m feeling bad that I made you beg me to come in to be by you, when you needed me, instead of just coming in & helping you because I love you”.

I told him that I would finish the story that I was reading, then go out to watch TV with dad. He got up for a drink, potty, then went to sleep.

I’ve got to start trusting that he is empathetic & independent. That he doesn’t ask for help unless he needs it. And, I’ve got to remember how short this time is with the kids & give them what they need when they need it, while I still can.

If I knew how to do a ‘bullet post’, I’d do it now :-p

Girls are at girl scout camp & I’m going crazy wondering how they’re doing. The rules were ‘no cell phones’, but I told Allison that that was clearly intended for little girls who might misuse the phones, chatting with friends instead of doing camp activities & encouraged her to break that rule, just so I’d be able to contact her if I needed to. I’ve been wanting to call ever since the minute I drove away from the camp yesterday afternoon, but have succeeded in not calling, so far. I leave work to pick them up in 15 minutes, so I think I’m going to make it. I hope they’re having fun, though - it’s about 90 degrees out there & they slept on a platform tent under mosquito netting last night.

It’s going to be such a cool memory for the two of them, of this sister bonding experience that they shared…

Shelby’s getting through Cub Scout Day camp alright, too, this week. Hot. Hot, hot hot out there. And, he’s never a big fan of organized activities. But, he’s only having occasional meltdowns there & always comes home with a smile on his face, asking for one boy or another to come back to our house to play.

We’ve got 6 foster puppies right now. They were 5 wks old when we got them last week, so we’ll have them for 2 more weeks. They appear to be mostly lab. And, of course, they are adorable. They are especially cute when you open the half-door gate to get them from the puppy pen in the basement & they all stand up on the short wall there, peering out at you en masse. I’ll try to grab a pic of that later tonight, when Al gets home with the camera

If it weren’t maddeningly entertaining, I might block a couple of people (well, one person) on Y!A. Would that mean that I wouldn’t have to see the mindless crap that she types out there? She’s a mom who says that spanking is a good thing, because she was spanked & she turned out fine. But, I’m not really all too sure about that She never seemed to learn that the needs of other people in the world are just as important as her own. Her baby has to go potty? It’s everyone else’s problem to solve. She wants to get out of her car in a crowded parking lot? Everyone else can just wait for her. etc….

Shelby after boy scout camp yesterday, when another mom & I were talking about maybe meeting at the pool with our boys… “No, I don’t think we should go to the pool. It wouldn’t be fair for Annie who can’t go because she’s at girl scout camp.”

“The people I “picked on” with the exception of Miss Ann who requested her post, are on the whole a bunch of self-centered, retarded, look-at-me, look-at-me attention whores who spend most of their time basking in the non-existant rays of their own brilliance”, said the self-centered, intellectually challenged, look-at-me, look-at-me attention whore who spends most of her(?) time basking in the non-existent (sp corrected) rays of her(?) own brilliance.

To the cub scout mom complaining about the way the 14-yo volunteering his time for your child’s benefit boy scout was running the sports activity at Cub Scout camp. I know that I said “Aww, sounds like he was having a pretty bad day, too” when we were talking about it. But, what I wanted to say was “What if this were your son as a boy scout, 7 years from now, volunteering his time to help out at Cub Scout camp? How would you want the cub scout moms to react to his mistakes & his bad day?”